Saturday, July 28, 2012

Just plain thankful

So Monday is the big day. After 42 days apart, we finally get to live as a family again. I have posted previously that I never thought that I would have made it through. It really was only by the grace of God that I did.
As I sit today and think back, I'm not only thankful for how God brought me through, but I am also thankful for those that God put in my life to get me through. I moved in with my mom, basically so that I didn't have to spend all of the nights alone. I'm not big on staying in my house without Jeremy. It helped a lot to have my mom and sister home at night to keep me occupied. When nights got hard, I always had them to hug me, watch a movie with me, or just help with bed time. 
My in-laws helped me more than they probably know as well. Tuesdays were the hardest days of the week. I spent most Tuesday's feeling like I was in a downward spiral. Tuesdays were the farthest I was from seeing Jeremy and they were long days. I usually spent mornings crying while I tried to take care of all things kid related and keep them from knowing.
One Tuesday, I cried all morning, texted my mother-in-law to see if we could come swim... I cried all the way to her house. She helped entertain the kids, fed us dinner, and then let me take a nap on the couch. I'm not sure what I would have done without her that day.
Ecclesiastes 4:10 says, "But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up." I am so grateful for these 3 ladies in my life and that my kids have these ladies in their lives. God used them in ways I know that none of them realize and for that, I'm just plain thankful.

Friday, July 27, 2012

learning to adjust

If you study the personalities, I am a classic beaver/type A/melancholy/insert your own term here. I need a plan and a list and a calender. I'm slightly OCD and have been known to carry multiple calenders to keep organized.
Living without a plan and having to rely on how quickly other people do their work has been horrible for me. I've been planning on moving Monday, however it wasn't until 3:30 today that I knew for sure that it would happen. I've tried to let things go and "live for the moment," but it has been a struggle.
Today was one of my low days in this entire process. I'm not sure what it was. I just felt so close and so far away from getting to where I want to be. I honestly threw a temper-tantrum. I'm ashamed to say it included me saying, "why does God do this to me?" I laid down to take a nap and prayed: "God, I just blogged about your faithfulness. I need you to be faithful now." He kindly replied, "You also blogged about how you needed to be faithful."
So quick am I to praise him and hope on my blog or facebook to say things are great when they are, but how quick am I to complain when I don't see him working. I was not faithful in my praise today, only in my whining.
Psalm 55:22 says, "Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken." Yes, we may have to wait until the 11th hour. I have done that so many times, I don't know why I doubted today. However, I am working on my faithfulness to praise and wait on him. I need to give him my cares and allow him to work it out, even if I have to wait and scrap my calendar! 

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

more and more

I love it when God reminds me of who he is and how he will provide for me. I love it that he takes care of all of the little things so that I don't have to worry about it. I also love it that sometimes when I worry about it, he gives me more than I thought I needed in the first place. (Does that make sense?)
I recently signed on with a company doing home parties and selling bags and purses. Because of copyright stuff I can't tell you exactly who it is, but I could probably give you 31 reasons to buy some! ;) Anyway, I have a number of incentives to work towards in order to add to my kit and inventory. For the first 90 days, I earn rewards for every 3 parties that I have. I was able to fill the first 3 easily and earn those rewards. The second set which basically spanned the month of July was a little more difficult. I had a few fall through. Now, it's the eleventh hour, I'm down to the wire, and not only do I have my second set of 3 parties, but by the end of the week I will have my 3rd a month early! Last week I was so worried about it and this week God said, "I provided last week, now I'll double it!"
Malachi 3:10 talks about God's faithfulness to us when we are faithful to Him. "'Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,' says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it." 
 I love how he continues to show me his faithfulness. I have tested God over and over again! I feel like I am now tested in my faithfulness back. I've waited until the 11th hour trying to do it on my own only to have him go above and beyond! Now I need to be faithful in the 11th hour and just let him do it alone!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Getting the better pair

God has talked to me a lot about the difference between what is "good" and what is "best." We are so quick to settle for something good when what God really wants for us is the best thing. Jeremy and I were totally confident that the house we didn't get was the best thing. Then we didn't get it. That means there has to be a better thing - or a better way out there.
Today we looked at apartments. Neither of us are ecstatic about apartment living. We are two country kids who like grass and yards, but the kids and I need to get to Parma. We looked at an apartment, the last available apartment. It was fine. I was ready for anything that didn't have bugs as long as we were all together. Our leasing agent told us we needed pay stubs and money orders (for our processing whatevers). I left the pay stubs in my car so we had to run and grab them and come back. The agent said, "No one is going to come in the next half an hour and rent it. You will be fine."
We left and came back.
She started our conversation with "Funny story..." Now, I really wasn't in the mood for a funny story at this point in time. There wasn't a whole lot that was going to make me laugh!
The people who were in the office when we arrived who were speaking with another agent rented the apartment while we were gone! I'm not even joking! As I was getting ready to bang my head off of the wall, agent B came over to save the day. The complex has a model apartment that has been upgraded. They are not allowed to show it because not all of the apartments have (get this) granite counter tops and new cabinets and they would show one apartment, but then have to rent out a lesser apartment. They got permission to rent us the model apartment at the same price. It has a better view and the same layout, it's just new!
Jeremy has loved telling this story. As he mentioned it to a friend at church she said, "This is just an example of what God is going to do for you with the house."
It is a perfect example of finding the "good" when God wants us to have the best! I wonder what God thinks sometimes of our wishes. I'm ready to settle for a room without bugs and he wants to give me granite counter tops!

Monday, July 23, 2012

I may need elastic pants

One of our greatest trials in the whole moving process has been just that, moving. We found the "perfect" house for us 2 months and 4 days ago. We made an offer, the sellers accepted, the bank made us wait. After 2 months and 4 days, we found out that the sale is not going to go through the wa things are.
Now is my time for confession, I am a spoiled wife. I have an amazing husband who I love more than anything. I would rather spend time with him and our children than do anything else in the world. He's my best friend and my rock. I have spent the last month and 5 days with him in another city. I usually see him 2.5 days a week. I have learned an entirely new appreciation for military families because I'm telling you now... I couldn't do it.
So, why didn't got tell us 2 months and 4 days ago that the house wasn't going to go through. Why have I spent 36 days counting the hours until Jeremy gets home and then praying the moments he's here never end?
Well, God needed to grow me and he needed to grow my husband. In the moments that I was sure to have enough faith that God was going to give us the house, I heard God whisper, 'Will you have faith if I don't?' I honestly pretended not to hear, because at the time, I really don't think that I did.
I told God over and over that he could give me a really cool testimony because buying a house through short sale really isn't short. I'd be able to tell everyone how he provided for us. In fact, the day after we made the offer, a friend told me, "The Lord says that you have been faithful to him, now he'll be faithful to you." I knew she was talking about that house. I knew I was going to have a testimony of God's faithful provision.
Yesterday during worship God whispered again, "Your testimony will be how I sustained you." Isn't that amazing? God took care of me in ways that I didn't know he would because I was so focused on the house. He provided joy and strength that I could have never imagined. He has become my rock because there were days when he was all I had.
I know the perfect house is coming. It may even be the house that we were just told wouldn't work. However, until then, I know that God is faithful. He's growing and stretching me into just the right pants!

Learning to put on my pants

On June 18 my husband left for a missions trip. He was gone for a week. On June 28 he moved to Parma, an hour and a half away, to start his new position as a children's pastor. This has been our dream for the past 5 years.
However, what's not part of our original dream was that our housing wouldn't go through in time for the kids and I to go with him. Right now, we are living separately. Personally, I hate it.
The Tuesday after he left for his trip, my kids wanted to spend the night at their grandma's. Let me tell you, I am spoiled. I don't sleep alone in my house, EVER. Letting them stay there while Jeremy was gone was a huge thing to me. I had a melt down. I cried to God, yelled at God, plead with God. My answer: Put on your big girl pants. What I really wanted was for God to send a lightening bolt and fix all of my problems. Instead, he told me to grow up. While it wasn't really the answer I wanted, it has begun a process of growing for me that I wouldn't have had otherwise.
This has become a fun "catch phrase" God and I share. When I'm stressed and want to wine and cry, that is the first thought that comes to mind.
I do have to say that after my fit on that Tuesday night, I was filled with strength and joy that couldn't have come from anywhere but God. He has sustained me and brought me through. I feel a sense of God and his presence more now than I have before.
While I'd rather be with my husband and serving with him, I know that I could not have learned these things without this season.

Life Lessons

Over the past month, God has taught me more about life and living life with him than I have ever learned. I've wanted to write these lessons and share them.
When God first told me "You need to put on your big girl pants," I was hitting a low point. God knew I needed to grow up a little if I was going to survive it. This Blog will be my story of finding just the right pants!